Fan Fiction
by Stripy Giraffe
Summary: A bunch of Tamora Pierce characters sitting around chatting about the very heated topic - Fan Fiction! It's not exactly an literary masterpiece... ah well. COMPLETE!
1. Fan fiction

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. They belong to Tamora Pierce. It would be nice to say that I owned to plot, but, alas, there is no plot anyway so I can not own it.  
  
This is basically the result of long, boring lunch times at school, in which I have become a recluse, hiding away in the library, busying myself with this .... I'm not sure what it is.  
  
This is a bunch of Tamora Pierce characters, sitting around, chatting away about the very heated topic of.....  
  
FAN FICTION!!!!  
  
"Why do all the kids these days just sit around in front of a screen these days? Why, they could be out and about...."  
  
"Darling, calm down" George assures his wife, Alanna the Lioness. "Now, if they want to sit in front of a screen all day, it's not like it's really dangerous...."  
  
"Of course it's dangerous!!!" Alanna cries, flinging her arms into the air. "Why, when I was their age, I was protecting my realm in war!!!"  
  
"We all know your story, Mother," sighs Alianne. "But that's not what we're talking about. We are here to talk about the thing they call – 'Fan Fiction'."  
  
"Can't they just read the real thing?" demands Tris. "Although, I can understand if they run out of things to read, perhaps they would want to read something... well, different." With that, she shoves her nose back into her book with full purpose.  
  
Daja, in the corner, is toying with a piece of thin copper wire. "I suppose, if people really want to, they should be able to read 'Fan Fiction'." She ties a knot in the wire and it shimmers.  
  
"Although I would prefer for kids these days to get more out and about, if they want to read Fan Fiction SOMETIMES then I guess I have no right to object," said Daine quietly, stretching out a smoky brown curl.  
  
"I could simply magic the computers to transport the readers to a place outside, my dear," muses Thom, eyeing Daine.  
  
"I really DON'T think that is nessasary," says Numair, the tiniest hint of forcefulness in his voice.  
  
"I think what we are getting at here, is that, if they want to, people can read 'Fan Fiction," says Sandry, the threads on her dress glistening with magic.  
  
"But not if they don't want to," says Tris hurriedly.  
  
"I thought you were reading," says Daja, arching a dark brow.  
  
"Oh, yes, I am," snaps Tris hurriedly, and looks back into her book immediately.  
  
Thom waves his hand around a few times and a small palm computer appears in the air. He picks it up and presses some keys. "Fan Fiction dot net," he says. "Hey look, there's one with us in it!!!"  
  
He shows the rest of the characters a screen with the words – "FAN FICTION" at the top.  
  
THE END.....  
  
{Yes, a terrible story. Only my third fan fiction. My second didn't really count 'cause it was a really bad Harry Potter one which was about 50 words. I deleted it! So, not good. And, duh, they are meant to be reading MY fan fic at the end, somewhat unrealistic.... Anyway, please R&R. No flames but constructive criticism is good.} 


	2. Other things that are not fan fiction

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.  
  
Due to the success of the last chapter (Why? How?), your favourite characters have decided to make a talk show, just for you. And this weeks they are talking about....  
  
OTHER THINGS THAT ARE NOT FAN FICTION!!!  
  
"Well, I think that other things that are not fan fiction are just jolly!" Said Owen.  
  
"Um, yeah," answered Kel. And then, under her breath, "everything is so jolly these days..."  
  
"I'm sick of other things that are not fan fiction!" Said me, because I am tired of this boring subject.  
  
THE END.  
  
It's official, this is the worst fan fiction ever written. And I will remove it as soon as I can if you don't like it. Because I don't. I just wrote it because one of you asked for more, so here it is. Bet you're sorry now, huh? 


	3. Harry Potter

Disclaimer: Tamora Pierce owns it all, except for my idea. Lucky her.  
  
Well, now the characters have thought of something else to talk about, because I am bored. And that topic is Harry Potter. Interesting cross-over here (albeit a common one) for the main reason that it would be interesting to see what they think of Harry Potter. Lets see now....  
  
HARRY POTTER  
  
"Harry Potter is a very good series of books and I've read the first one 93 times the second one 87 times the third one 193 times...."  
  
"Tris, please. Can you not?" Sandry toyed with a lose thread from her dress.  
  
"Fine, fine," muttered Tris.  
  
"Did you know they are making movies out of them?" said Thom, who is miraculously alive again. Interesting.  
  
"What's a movie?" asked Daine, interested.  
  
"A moving picture, magelet," said Numair.  
  
"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Yelled Daine, as if I were her, I would hate it and possibly assassinate Numair for calling me something so silly.  
  
"Okay," said Numair, a very understanding and unrealistic man.  
  
"Harry Potter is magical, like me," said Thom, who is apparently on drugs. This fanfic is not just twisted but actually sprained.  
  
"Um, yeah," said Alanna, who was considering assassinating Thom. I feel a bad vibe in this room.  
  
"CUT!" said the director. "Okay, this sucks. And so does the author of this crap."  
  
And that is THE END. I don't think I should be writing any more of these. 


	4. Nuts

Disclaimer: Let me think.........  
  
Dum dee dum deed dum........  
  
Yeah, so thinking isn't exactly my forte.  
  
However I DO NOT own this.... Aha.  
  
Okay so apparently 'randomness' is what people want. I don't really care, I'm getting reviews for this crap, so I guess whatever happens her happens.  
  
Hmm....... Oh, before I do anything, I should say: The Thom in this is Alanna's brother, not son. My friend got very confused and/or distressed over this minor detail, which I did not foresee.... But, yeah, it's BIG Thom, not little Thom.  
  
Okay, what should the Tamora Pierce characters talk about today? Let me think... No, there's that nasty word again! I'll hum instead. Hummmmmmmmmmm.......  
  
Righto I think I have an idea: Lets talk about.....  
  
NUTS!!!!! (NO, you perverts! The nuts you eat.) (OoOoOoOooo, that came out wrong. But NOT those kinds of nuts.)  
  
"Nuts are healthy and nutritious," said Thom. Lets not forget that he is on drugs.  
  
"Squirrels eat nuts," agreed Daine. Well actually she wasn't agreeing, she was saying something totally different to drugged-up-Thom, and it didn't make any sense. O-well.  
  
Numair put his arm around Daine's shoulders. "Yes, magelet," he said. Daine assassinated Numair.  
  
Zek the marmoset said, "eeeee," which probably meant something like, "What the hell are you talking about you freaks?" He was then quiet.  
  
For a moment, no-one said anything. The universe was silent.  
  
"It's too quiet!" cried drugged-up-Thom. "I want some noise!" Then he made waves crash through the wall and everything smelt salty and horrible.  
  
"Why'd you do that?" said Alanna.  
  
"Yeah!" agreed George. The word agreed makes sense here.  
  
"Because I felt like it!!!!" Cried Thom. He then assassinated George.  
  
"Why'd you do that?" said Alanna.  
  
Okay. I'm gonna stop writing now, I think this is the worst thing EEEEEEEVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!  
  
But I'm gonna put it on anyway. Flame if you want. I just want the reviews.  
  
La di da... Okay I'm bored now.  
  
THE END. 


	5. Apples

Disclaimer: The characters are NOT mine. The 'story line' is. But oh how I wish that it wasn't. But I just want the reviews.

Okay so here is another chappie. I dunno how it'll turn out. Oh well. Now lets remember that we have unfortunately lost two characters, Numair and George... the have been assassinated.

Ho hum, today our characters will talk about... hum... okay, how about..

FAN FICTION???

Nope, we've already done that. Oh, what a bummer. Okay well in that case, lets talk about

APPLES!!! (Another food, just like last time).

"I once ate an apple," said Alanna. "And it made me go high."   
  
"Alanna, that wasn't an apple, that was Prozac," said Thom. And as we all know Thom is the master of drugs.

"No, I said it was an APPLE and so IT WAS AN APPLE! THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW!!!" yelled Alanna. "If you dare to argue with me, I will ASSASINATE you!!"

"Now now," said Roger. "I think we have had quite enough assassination. For now... muhahaha."

"Why are you laughing so evily?" cried Kel.

"Because soon, all of you will be dead." Roger yelled.

"eeeeeeeee," said Zek, which probably meant, 'I want apples, so give me some now.'

"Okay," said Daine, and gave Zek a banana.

"EEEEEEEEEEEE!" screamed Zek, which probably meant, 'you retard! I asked for an apple!'

Then Zek killed Daine with his magical marmoset powers.

THE END.....

Omg I can't believe I'm getting reviews for this crap! Not that I mind, of course... hint hint


	6. Water Buffalos

Disclaimer: You know that it's not mine.

Thanks for all the lovely reviews, chickadees! Now you know I don't usually reply to them because... well I can't be bothered. But I do want to reply to THIS one:

Anonymous: Now first of all you can't even spell your name, which is pretty tragic considering that you are insulting ME but I should be doing that to you. Now I don't have that much time on my hands, it's not as if it really takes a year to write this. And if you had've been in this story for the long haul, you would know that this has been running for a long time. So there!!!!

Okay, I'm sorry chickadees but I just had to do that. Flames make me pissed off. So much. And I had to get that off my chest.

Now, this chapter lets talk about

WATER BUFFALOS!!! (As you may know I am currently on a buffalo spree!)

"I once turned into a water buffalo," said Daine, stretching out a smoky brown curl. Just forget for now that she's dead.

"Well, I know a song!" cried Thom. "Everybody's got a water buffalo, yours is fast but mine is slow. Where did we get them? I DON'T KNOW! But everybody's got a water buffalo-oooooooooooooooooo-I took my buffalo to the store, got his head STUCK in the door... spilt some lima beans on the floor... I don't –"

"STOP, stop stop!!!" yelled Roger. "You can't say everyone's got a water buffalo, everyone does NOT have a water buffalo. We're going to get NASTY LETTERS saying, 'where's MY water buffalo? Why don't I have a water buffalo?' And are you prepared to deal with that? I DON'T THINK SO!"

"Well, what if I am?" asked Thom, standing up. "Huh? Huh?"

"JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!" yelled the studio audience who haven't been around since... now.

Jerry Springer said, "Time for my final moment. Fan Fiction is a very heated topic as you all know and can expand into drugs and assassination. I guess it's just better to stay off the topic for now."

Well, I guess that's it, chickadees. Someday I might write another chappie of this, but I don't think so... for a while. So why don't you REVIEW, and then read some of my other fics? And I'm working on more, I promise :D

Love and light,

Stripy.


	7. Review

Aww. All you guys are just so sweet, I couldn't leave you on the line hanging like your grandma's knickers so I thought I'd write another chapter. Just because I love you so damn much.

Before I get into the heavy duty, deep and meaningful writing that is my style, I'd like to say thank you for every review! As you can see this whole chapter is about a kinda strange review I found on the list once. So maybe if I ever get another interesting one I'll write a chapter about it.

'THE STRANGE REVIEW THAT NICOLA ONCE FOUND ON THE LIST'

Kel picked up a piece of parchment that had 'Review' written on the top. "Oh, I wonder what this is?" she asked.

"It's fan mail, isn't it?" cried Roger, grabbing the precious piece of parchment from Kel's hands.

"I GET TO READ IT!" yelled Daja, snatching the paper and smoothing it out on a table. She began to read out loud in her smooth voice as all the other characters sat in their comfy arm chairs and listened.

"The first chapter was amusing but I'm afraid it went downhill from there. On the other hand you had to do something different or it'd have gone round in endless circles so i dunno."

"W…well," spluttered Roger. "That's just ridiculous! I mean, it contradicts itself so many times!"

A small cough sounded from Faithful, the cat that is alive again. "What the hell was the point of that review anyway?" he asked, with good reason because honestly, if you read the review you'll see that there's no point at all to it, I dunno why the person even wasted their time writing it.

In one of the chairs sat Prince Jonathan, his head bobbling up and down as he listened to the heavy metal rock band that pumped through his earphones, but everyone could hear it anyway because it was really loud.

"What do you think, sweetie?" asked Thayet, her patience beginning to thin because every time she tried to hug him, or talk to him, or… do other stuff with him, he was just engrossed in his stupid rock band, jiggling his head to the beat.

"WHAT?" yelled Jon, not even stopping jiggling.

"What do you think… about the topic?"

"WHAT???"

"I'm asking you…"

"WWWHHHAAATTT???"

Thayet reached over and pulled his earphones from his ears.

Jonathan stared blankly at his wife. Everyone else looked at the Queen in awe. What had she just done? She had just adjusted the whole space-time continuum. No one could believe she had just done that. The once thing Jon cared for in life was gone.

"I… I…" he stuttered, lost for words because he'd never had to speak them before. He swallowed hard before continuing. Then, reaching out with hands that shook, he slowly leaned towards Thayet, his eyes not moving from hers, gently touched her hand with his, his expression blank and unreadable, and he took back his earphones and plugged them back firmly in his ears, jiggling away like there was no tomorrow.

THE END.

I just wrote the most stupid piece of ridiculous crap I've ever read, or written.

YAY!


End file.
